I talked to a friend, my messages were understated. This is not the first time I’ve told this scenario.
I sit on the porch steps, ankles bare. It’s dark blue. I photosynthesize the sounds around me; gentle humming from the old couple who live down the street, voices slipping through barely cracked windows. People are airing out the anger that ruins their breathing. The kitchen table is watermarked.
There is life to be had. My hands are empty, my wrists are enwrapped in yarn, reaching my waists. This fragility is barely kept in. When the skin is too tender, some light slips out. I’m bleeding in sweetness. Pressing on my bruises. All the things that hold me must be soft. I’ve built and I’ve broken. My pulled limbs and my bare ankles, broken thrice before.
We sit slumped on the side of the couches and it’s so condensed within me to not say everything I’ve been thinking for the last six months. Every winter, I get warm with strangers. It must be the weather.
I close my eyes on a road I can’t recognize. I wake up.
A mile away from the road, I can still hear tires against the concrete, shedding industrial remains on the side of the road. Hold my hand, drag me home. Tuck me in, blanket over my torso, never above my collarbone.
Today I drove on the same road I did almost exactly a year ago when I was coming over to see an old friend. I got the strongest deja vu and my heart clenched. I don’t talk to them anymore.
I cling tightly to old notes that turn my stomach over and over. I’m not proud but there are still boxes under my bed filled with people who don’t know me anymore. I know nostalgia is a waste of time but my heart is full with it. Tell me I won’t hold this forever. Tell me there will be a day where I let gloriously go.
I’ve stopped trying to make something so big. I wish I had known some of my friends earlier. It’s the first time I’ve felt this.
Taking the half-lived memories to the shore and watching the tide gently wash over them. The finality of endings turn into nothing under the canopy.
so beautiful how do you write like this it's so inspired